the making of forever hold your peace
Nov. 28th, 2022 02:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sangyeonloverI feel the ending close
Pick up the pieces
seongllen likers make some noise! angst likers make some noise!
read this fic here
if you want someone to blame this on, blame it on aster for sending me this photoset of allen that made my brain spiral. this was very much a "haha what if allen got married... and seongmin had to see it" thought that became 10k situation. and thank you crystal for endlessly putting up with my random seongllen ideas and entertaining my silly thoughts
without intending to, i've now written three fics in the canon compliant cravity universe ive created for myself (the first being a hyeongjun/kangmin fic set in 2030, the second being my first seongllen that's set in present day/2022) i think i just like linking things together and these three fics happen to be able to fit together!
i didn't plan too many details about this particular canon timeline but i threw around some ideas with aster:
basically this is about 2032, after the initial 7 year contract is up cravity doesnt disband but some of them leave starship, it doesnt really matter who does or doesnt in this but its only relevant that allen and seongmin (and maybe taeyoung too) left (i don't see woobin, serim, hyeongjun, minhee leaving but that's in my head)
allen goes back to LA full time soon after 2 more years in korea and at this point has been in LA for 3 years but hasn't come back since. the fic is set after seongmin finishes enlistment and hes the last of them to finish it
seongmin is a minor actor/model/influencer/youtuber type, allen went solo in LA with mild success (i guess kinda like eric nam), woobin is a soloist, minhee and wonjin are acting, serim does radio shows and vlogs a bit, taeyoung became a youtuber and spends a lot of time in the states, jungmo is in the fashion world (there's no reason for this really), and hyeongjun is on variety and releases some solo music here and there
i imagine that in this setting cravity basically doesn't have any comebacks since the 7 year contract was up due to everyone doing things individually and going through military enlistment but they intend on doing things as a group at some point and still talk often
there's a lot going on in terms of group dynamics, hyeongjun is entangled in a situation with kangmin that is partially unresolved after the first fic i wrote for them (and is still the closest with minhee), seongmin has his unrequited love for allen that comes to an end after allen's wedding (which only taeyoung and minhee know about), there's the gongtang, and there's the background minimo going on here which i am considering possibly exploring more in depth. possibly?
but i actually made this post to post a conversation between seonglem that i cut out because i felt frustrated about how it might be a bit ooc but couldn't figure out how to rewrite it. it takes place when seongmin runs out to the balcony and before allen comes to find him. i mainly wrote this scene to touch on what happened to hyeongjun after where i left the hyeongjun/kangmin fic and to maybe try my own spin on seonglem but i couldn't make it work. sorry crystal!! i'll try to write a better seonglem next time!!
Seongmin walks away from it all— it takes a moment to find the balcony but he finds it and he’s bursting through for a breath of fresh air, only to find someone else already there.
Hyeongjun has his phone up to his ear but he turns when he hears Seongmin open the balcony door. “Oh, sorry.” Seongmin mumbles.
“No, it’s fine.” Hyeongjun lowers his phone, turning it off. “I’m just listening to a voicemail.” His expression is solemn but it gives nothing away. It could’ve been a work call, bad news, or a message from his mom, but Seongmin will never know. He’s content with never knowing.
Seongmin nods, taking it as an invitation to stay. It’s getting cooler now that it’s nighttime, but it’s not quite cold yet. There’s a liminal quality to the autumn air, of things changing, ending and starting. Seongmin can’t quite place himself in all of this; he lets the air carry him away with it.
“Needed air?” Hyeongjun gives him a sideways look. Hyeongjun always looks at him like he knows exactly what is running through Seongmin’s head; it used to be unnerving but now it’s a little reassuring, the knowledge that Hyeongjun still knows the language of Seongmin’s expressions and gestures.
“Yeah,” Seongmin mutters. “It’s stuffy in there.”
Hyeongjun doesn’t say anything to that. They’re alike in some ways— they don’t have time for chitchat, not when their lives move at lightspeed.
Seongmin touches the balcony railing. The metal is cold to the touch, refreshingly sober and real in spite of everything else. “It feels like everything is coming to an end.”
“In some way.” Hyeongjun indulges him. “It’s a new beginning for Allen-hyung.”
Seongmin looks over at him. Even after all these years, even with the way Hyeongjun looks at him like he knows Seongmin inside out, there’s still something Hyeongjun doesn’t know about him. This part of himself, he hides somewhere nobody else would ever really see, he keeps it close. Minhee and Taeyoung might know it’s there but they will never know how deep it really goes, how far down.
Hyeongjun looks back at him as if daring him to say it.
“I’ve loved him for twelve years.” The words feel empty now. Seongmin always thought saying it out loud would lift a weight off his chest— each reminder only weighs on him heavier.
Hyeongjun breaks eye contact, looking out into the street instead. From anyone else, it would be a regular gesture; from Hyeongjun, it’s an admission of defeat. The words are only a glimpse into the depth of this love.
“But I should stop, shouldn’t I?” If he doesn’t stop now, when he just watched the man he loves promise himself to someone else, when would he?
“That’s not something you control.” Hyeongjun shakes his head with a weight that Seongmin has never known Hyeongjun to possess.
“Then what?” Bitterness leaks into his voice.
Hyeongjun looks at him again, more carefully this time, as if trying to look for anything he might’ve missed the first time in Seongmin’s expression. “You stop talking to him, and you wait.” Here it comes, Hyeongjun telling him what to do, all his wise wisdom and the confidence from being barely a year older.
“I loved him, I let him go, and he never came back to me.” Seongmin says, so quietly that the wind might carry the words away from him. “I’m just waiting for it to stop hurting.”
“I don’t think it ever does.” Hyeongjun leaves it at that.
not that it really matters but i intended the voicemail that hyeongjun was listening to to be from minkyu. i have no idea what he's saying though!
originally it also wasn't supposed to have so much gongtang but i looked into gongtang more and got sucked into this interesting narrative... i think there's a lot to explore with gongtang that i could work with, i really like writing them as very very different people who clash and fight but at the same time are kinda tied together and still care about each other despite the differences
thanks for reading!
Pick up the pieces
seongllen likers make some noise! angst likers make some noise!
read this fic here
if you want someone to blame this on, blame it on aster for sending me this photoset of allen that made my brain spiral. this was very much a "haha what if allen got married... and seongmin had to see it" thought that became 10k situation. and thank you crystal for endlessly putting up with my random seongllen ideas and entertaining my silly thoughts
without intending to, i've now written three fics in the canon compliant cravity universe ive created for myself (the first being a hyeongjun/kangmin fic set in 2030, the second being my first seongllen that's set in present day/2022) i think i just like linking things together and these three fics happen to be able to fit together!
i didn't plan too many details about this particular canon timeline but i threw around some ideas with aster:
basically this is about 2032, after the initial 7 year contract is up cravity doesnt disband but some of them leave starship, it doesnt really matter who does or doesnt in this but its only relevant that allen and seongmin (and maybe taeyoung too) left (i don't see woobin, serim, hyeongjun, minhee leaving but that's in my head)
allen goes back to LA full time soon after 2 more years in korea and at this point has been in LA for 3 years but hasn't come back since. the fic is set after seongmin finishes enlistment and hes the last of them to finish it
seongmin is a minor actor/model/influencer/youtuber type, allen went solo in LA with mild success (i guess kinda like eric nam), woobin is a soloist, minhee and wonjin are acting, serim does radio shows and vlogs a bit, taeyoung became a youtuber and spends a lot of time in the states, jungmo is in the fashion world (there's no reason for this really), and hyeongjun is on variety and releases some solo music here and there
i imagine that in this setting cravity basically doesn't have any comebacks since the 7 year contract was up due to everyone doing things individually and going through military enlistment but they intend on doing things as a group at some point and still talk often
there's a lot going on in terms of group dynamics, hyeongjun is entangled in a situation with kangmin that is partially unresolved after the first fic i wrote for them (and is still the closest with minhee), seongmin has his unrequited love for allen that comes to an end after allen's wedding (which only taeyoung and minhee know about), there's the gongtang, and there's the background minimo going on here which i am considering possibly exploring more in depth. possibly?
but i actually made this post to post a conversation between seonglem that i cut out because i felt frustrated about how it might be a bit ooc but couldn't figure out how to rewrite it. it takes place when seongmin runs out to the balcony and before allen comes to find him. i mainly wrote this scene to touch on what happened to hyeongjun after where i left the hyeongjun/kangmin fic and to maybe try my own spin on seonglem but i couldn't make it work. sorry crystal!! i'll try to write a better seonglem next time!!
Seongmin walks away from it all— it takes a moment to find the balcony but he finds it and he’s bursting through for a breath of fresh air, only to find someone else already there.
Hyeongjun has his phone up to his ear but he turns when he hears Seongmin open the balcony door. “Oh, sorry.” Seongmin mumbles.
“No, it’s fine.” Hyeongjun lowers his phone, turning it off. “I’m just listening to a voicemail.” His expression is solemn but it gives nothing away. It could’ve been a work call, bad news, or a message from his mom, but Seongmin will never know. He’s content with never knowing.
Seongmin nods, taking it as an invitation to stay. It’s getting cooler now that it’s nighttime, but it’s not quite cold yet. There’s a liminal quality to the autumn air, of things changing, ending and starting. Seongmin can’t quite place himself in all of this; he lets the air carry him away with it.
“Needed air?” Hyeongjun gives him a sideways look. Hyeongjun always looks at him like he knows exactly what is running through Seongmin’s head; it used to be unnerving but now it’s a little reassuring, the knowledge that Hyeongjun still knows the language of Seongmin’s expressions and gestures.
“Yeah,” Seongmin mutters. “It’s stuffy in there.”
Hyeongjun doesn’t say anything to that. They’re alike in some ways— they don’t have time for chitchat, not when their lives move at lightspeed.
Seongmin touches the balcony railing. The metal is cold to the touch, refreshingly sober and real in spite of everything else. “It feels like everything is coming to an end.”
“In some way.” Hyeongjun indulges him. “It’s a new beginning for Allen-hyung.”
Seongmin looks over at him. Even after all these years, even with the way Hyeongjun looks at him like he knows Seongmin inside out, there’s still something Hyeongjun doesn’t know about him. This part of himself, he hides somewhere nobody else would ever really see, he keeps it close. Minhee and Taeyoung might know it’s there but they will never know how deep it really goes, how far down.
Hyeongjun looks back at him as if daring him to say it.
“I’ve loved him for twelve years.” The words feel empty now. Seongmin always thought saying it out loud would lift a weight off his chest— each reminder only weighs on him heavier.
Hyeongjun breaks eye contact, looking out into the street instead. From anyone else, it would be a regular gesture; from Hyeongjun, it’s an admission of defeat. The words are only a glimpse into the depth of this love.
“But I should stop, shouldn’t I?” If he doesn’t stop now, when he just watched the man he loves promise himself to someone else, when would he?
“That’s not something you control.” Hyeongjun shakes his head with a weight that Seongmin has never known Hyeongjun to possess.
“Then what?” Bitterness leaks into his voice.
Hyeongjun looks at him again, more carefully this time, as if trying to look for anything he might’ve missed the first time in Seongmin’s expression. “You stop talking to him, and you wait.” Here it comes, Hyeongjun telling him what to do, all his wise wisdom and the confidence from being barely a year older.
“I loved him, I let him go, and he never came back to me.” Seongmin says, so quietly that the wind might carry the words away from him. “I’m just waiting for it to stop hurting.”
“I don’t think it ever does.” Hyeongjun leaves it at that.
not that it really matters but i intended the voicemail that hyeongjun was listening to to be from minkyu. i have no idea what he's saying though!
originally it also wasn't supposed to have so much gongtang but i looked into gongtang more and got sucked into this interesting narrative... i think there's a lot to explore with gongtang that i could work with, i really like writing them as very very different people who clash and fight but at the same time are kinda tied together and still care about each other despite the differences
thanks for reading!
